My case against soulmates: Part 1

Soul mates don’t exist.

I haven’t always been this cynical, like most little girls, Disney movies had me believing that somewhere in the world there was one human being who was specially made for me. That fate would make sure our paths would eventually cross, we would emphatically fall in love and live happily ever after.

The theory of soul mates assumes that from the moment you are born there is one person somewhere on earth who is 100% meant for you and compatible with you. You don’t know who this person is, where in the world they are or when you will meet them but destiny will ensure that your paths meet.

However, as I got older I realized that there are over 7 billion human beings on this earth, and when I understood statistical probability, logic set in and burst that bubble.

Now I’m not a philophobic, it’s not that I do not believe in love although I have my own thoughts about that I just don’t believe in the notion of having a soul mate.

Hollywood and literature has sold a dream that is not scientifically probable and here is why:

Maths proves that soul mates are near to impossible

NASA roboticist Randall Munroe explains in his book ” What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions” approximately more than 100 billion humans have ever existed but now that number is down to 7 billion people who are alive right now. This means that the human mortality rate is at 93%, so, what guarantee do you have that your so-called soul mate is even still alive?

Based on the theory that every human from birth has one assigned soul mate in life, if all humans on earth decided to pair up at this very moment in time then according to this 90% of people’s soul mates are already dead.

Let’s say you’re “lucky” and your so-called person is still alive, it’s assumed that you would ideally want a soul mate within the same age range as you with some variances, this means that each person would have a relevant pool of about 500 million possible candidates. Also, you would actually have to physically meet this person assuming they live in your city.

That being said it’s hard to estimate how many people one average one makes eye contact with on a daily basis and this number can vary depending on your personality and how comfortable you are with eye contact.

“Let’s suppose you lock eyes with an average of a few dozen new strangers each day,” Munroe assumes “If 10 percent of them are close to your age, that’s around 50,000 people in a lifetime. Given that you have 500,000,000 potential soul mates, it means you’ll only find true love in one lifetime out of 10,000.”

I don’t know about you but there is no way I’m dating 10,000 people out of the hopes of finding one perfect person. Looking at the maths it just highly improbable that you would meet your so-called soul mate.

There are just so many variables outside of population and probability like geographical location. How sure are you that your soul mate is even on the same continent as you, where would you even travel to first in the hopes of finding them?

I think believing in the traditional idea of soul mates can be so detrimental to the human psyche and in relationships cause it’s so easy to be caught up in the chase of something that could possibly be a farce.

So what do I believe in then?

Well, while I don’t believe in only having ONE person in the world who is perfectly matched to you in every possible way, I do believe that you can meet someone who ticks your compatibility boxes and you can grow into each other’s “soul mates” but through work, communication and the understanding that you will deal with problems in a mature way and put in effort into growing.

I mean I also believe perfect people don’t exist and if someone claims to be then RUN! That’s a sociopath lol.

You can never know if the person you’re with is truly the right one for you, of course, there are major red flags that you make sure you avoid in order to end up with a good person but that doesn’t ensure that that good person is truly meant for you in the scientific sense but I guess that’s why love is so complicated its not always about finding the perfect person but finding someone who has good intentions and has a growth mentality.

I think I’ll end this here, I just wanted to get the first part of my thoughts on this topic out. Will have more evidence in the coming days.

Anyways while I ruminate,

Never forget to carpe all the diems!



7 Comments Add yours

  1. This is so interesting! I also don’t believe in soulmates – my personal view is that people learn and grow through relationships and we were designed to have many of them to learn lots of things and grow in different ways.
    But I’ve never thought of the actual maths behind why soulmates are impossible.. great read!


    1. Selma-Penna says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read it! For sure, I think that the growth mentality as you mentioned when it comes to a significant other is a more fruitful mindset.


  2. Jim Robert Boyce says:

    Very methodical decimation of the soulmate concept 😎 fun read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Selma-Penna says:

      haha thank you so much for taking the time to read this! hope i didn’t come off too cynical 😂


  3. As a fellow cynic at heart, I try not to let it show too much because I find it tends to turn some people off, but it is how I truly feel and I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here! This is a thought I’ve had for a while too, and I don’t think the myth of the “perfect person” is a healthy one. I prefer to believe we have multiple “soulmates” out there, or people who could be that person for us if we meet them, especially if it’s over time growing to know them as you said. But yeah, the odds of finding that fabled one in a billion person? Not so great. Haha.


    1. Selma-Penna says:

      Haha I love that you’re just as cynical as me. Yes, it does turn people off and I have had people say that I must be some kind of robot with no feeling the way I sometimes speak about love, however, I think we just take a more logical approach whether that will get us far is yet to be seen haha. Exactly what you said about multiple “soul mates” is how I feel as well there’s just no way that there is only one person in the world that you will ever connect to. I think that if you’re into monogamy then you just choose one person within your sphere and then you grow together by choice not by fate or the will of the Gods (I think they have better things to do 😂). You’ve actually reminded me that I still need to release a part 2 to this!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha I totally am. If you really get to know me you’ll see my mind can be a dark, dark place. But I don’t see you as a robot at all! I’ve had my heart broken enough that I’ve come to see it this way too. Call it cynicism, realism, pragmatism, whatever. It’s truth! If there were only one soulmate for everyone the world would be even more depressing than it is now. I’m honestly not even sure how I feel about monogamy or relationships in general these days. Good thing I’ve got the rest of my life to think it over. Haha. And I completely agree that it’s all ultimately in your hands, no one else’s. Of course they have to choose you too, but that’s a given. Even though I’m a cynic though, I try not to let it get other people around me down even if it may get me down. There’s so many enormous problems in the world today I honestly don’t think will ever be resolved or that I can do anything to help with: so what I do is what I can, within my own life, to spread love and kindness and treat other people the way I’d want to be treated. I think that’s really all any of us can do. YES I can’t wait for part two!!! Looking forward to it.


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